Jamie Outta Detroit

do you really kill people? or is this like, a joke or something??

crookedalleyscumbag — Mon, 03 Dec 2012 04:53:57 -0500

Depends. How funny do you find death to be?

And really, considering the subjective nature of the reality that I perceive, it could be possible that I’m not even killing anybody at all. Who the fuck knows?

Tell you what, anonymous: You pick the answer that helps you sleep better at night, and it is true. How’s that sound?

Awkward and embarrassing.....

crookedalleyscumbag — Sun, 02 Dec 2012 22:56:38 -0500

So I was stripping off this victim’s clothes, right? It wasn’t a sex thing. I just thought her clothes were really nice and, since she wouldn’t need them anymore, maybe I could give them to a certain special someone if they weren’t too torn and bloody.

Anyway, I’m taking off this woman’s clothes, and I notice that she is very…uhh..attractive, you know? She had really soft and silky-looking skin and this really cute heart-shaped birthmark on her butt and..well…I kinda got hard, right? That in itself isn’t so bad, because it’s happened before and usually they don’t notice. Too busy screaming and begging to be let go.

But I didn’t know that my fly was down, you see? So it was just kind of poking out, inches from her face. That was bad enough, very embarrassing. But then she started to POINT AND LAUGH at it!

I mean, what the hell?! I’ve taken some defiant ones before. Ones who die screaming “fuck you!” in my face and trying to psyche me out. It never works, obviously, but at least I can understand it.

But mocking the penis of a guy who has you tied up and naked in the basement in the middle of nowhere? I didn’t know people could even be that stupid! Here’s a tip, ladies: If the sex pervert has you under his power, don’t do anything to enrage him unless you’re 100% sure it will aid in your escape.

Moral of the story: She didn’t escape. She just royally pissed me off. So instead of decapitating her like I was going to, I stuck a few M80s left over from my 4th of July celebration in her pussy and lit them. Then when she passed out from the pain and blood loss I smacked her across the mouth several hundred times with a claw hammer until my arm got tired and then I removed her lungs.

It isn’t nice to hurt somebody’s feelings like that. Hopefully she knows better now.

Hi - Just wanted to say nice blog!

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 21:37:46 -0400

Thanks. I’m so happy right now!

SHE'S BACK!!!!!

crookedalleyscumbag — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 21:36:52 -0400

SHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACKSHESBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hmmm.....

crookedalleyscumbag — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 08:06:22 -0400

I’m having one of those rare things that normal people have all the time. What’s it called? Kind of like being sad for somebody you hurt, I think. Like, when you just cut up a guy in front of his wife and then you feel bad when you see her crying?

Anyway, I was just wondering: If I killed you, what punishment would you want me to suffer for it? Death penalty, life in prison, locked up in a loony bin? Send me your answers in the ask box.

Sweet blog, don't stop blogging.

Mon, 02 Apr 2012 00:59:15 -0400

Who are you?

What's your son's name?

Sat, 31 Mar 2012 09:38:54 -0400

Paul.

Get her back....

crookedalleyscumbag — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 04:28:47 -0400

I’ll get her back.

Even if I have to drag her naked, catatonic ass out of the firey depths of hell: I. WILL. HAVE. HER. BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was the last picture taken of her. Some fatass ran in and...

crookedalleyscumbag — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 20:06:43 -0400

This was the last picture taken of her. Some fatass ran in and snapped a pic of us right before we were about to have sex and put some Dark Lotus lyrics on there. I guess the greasy fuck thought he was being clever.

If you see this girl, please, LET ME KNOW!!!! Our son is distraught over the fact that she’s missing. He won’t stop crying, and I can’t kill him to shut him up because he’s a ghost like her. Please, help us!

Her grave. I forgot to check her grave! She has to be there! HAS to be!

crookedalleyscumbag — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 20:02:12 -0400

Her grave. I forgot to check her grave! She has to be there! HAS to be!

Where is she?

crookedalleyscumbag — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 03:49:42 -0400

She just up and disappeared on me. I need to find her.

Jamie; would you torture me to death if I told you I stole one of your shirts and used it to clean my shower?

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 16:39:46 -0400

Depends on which shirt. If it’s the one that wards off demons from beyond the veil, then yes. If it’s that sweater that my great aunt Nelly knitted me for Christmas last year, then I’d buy you a beer.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

crookedalleyscumbag — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 07:47:54 -0400

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I just got back from a walk. You won’t believe what I saw.

crookedalleyscumbag — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 04:46:18 -0400

I just got back from a walk. You won’t believe what I saw.

So apparently TGI Friday’s has a new slogan. Something to the effect of: “In here,...

crookedalleyscumbag — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 12:37:24 -0400

So apparently TGI Friday’s has a new slogan. Something to the effect of: “In here, it’s always Friday.”

I can only assume they’re implying that you get fucked hard every time you walk into one of their restaurants.

….Either that, or I’ve met some extremely-friendly waiters and waitresses every time I went out to eat.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?

Thu, 01 Sep 2011 21:03:10 -0400

My knife.